I felt frustrated, like no-one's listening to us.
You didn't get into an early intervention
until literally three months before school,
where you could have been in there way before
to get a lot more help with your speech and OT.
We wanted the best for you and...
..felt let down.
The episode when you had your operations on your legs
so you could walk,
we'd been seeing a surgeon who specialised in that area,
flying interstate to see him,
and we'd been visiting him for many years.
The doctor felt that you were not capable of
carrying out the difficult post-operative physiotherapy.
Based on his brief assumptions about you,
he'd made the judgement that you were not able to do it
and then he refused to operate.
It then required us
to do all we could to convince him to operate on you,
and then he set us a whole series of tasks
that would have been absolutely impossible for anyone.
And I'm sure the purpose of those tasks was to say,
"Well, you couldn't accomplish all these things
"and therefore I didn't operate.
"I would have if you could have."
But because of my connections within the profession,
all these tasks were accomplished,
so he begrudgingly operated on you
and did a fantastic job.
You would not have been able to walk like you can
all the years you've been able to walk
if he hadn't have done it.
If you hadn't had a father who was a doctor,
you'd have never been operated on.
And that's wrong.
The schooling was difficult.
We had to change so many schools because they didn't know
how to help you in the class situation.
The doctors didn't take real responsibility.
They just left it to us
to arrange other health professionals to manage you.
They never came out with the proper diagnosis
for quite some time.
That would have helped you with your early education.
Yeah.
MAN: In your case, I think now we know
you should have been managed by a team -
a doctor, psychologist, speech pathologist -
in an integrated manner.
The psychologist was going through the test,
put his paper down,
and looked up at me...
..and said, "Mrs Bolduc,
"your son is mentally retarded."
Um...
"And we need to pull him out of the regular classroom
"and put him in the special-ed classroom
"and focus on life skills."
But I felt so betrayed, because...
..I didn't feel that they were trying to help you.
I felt that they were trying to put you...
..to the side.
The neurologist said to me,
"You may have visions of your little girl
"being a ballerina and dancing on the stage,
"but it's time to put all that aside,
"because we don't know if she'll even walk."
She made me feel completely hopeless.
And I left and I walked back to the car
and put you in the car seat
and then I just collapsed in the gutter.
I was just...
..absolutely battered from those words.
If you could go back,
what would you say to the neurologist in that moment?
I would say to her,
"Well, let's not focus on what we can't achieve.
"Let's look at what we possibly can achieve."
Of course. Yeah.
And I would tell her, "I think you're wrong.
"I think she's a strong girl."
Well, I think maybe she should have said,
"I'll send a report to your paediatrician.
"I have picked up a couple of things that we can work on.
"I don't want you to worry." Um...
"There's lots of, um,
"things that we can do to improve...Ricky's walking."
I think she could have had a lot more empathy.
MAN: How important is language when doctors are talking to parents
about their child who might have a disability?
The doctor said that you would never have a sense of humour,
because that requires intellect.
Language is critical, because...
..from that very moment you were born,
you were labelled 'Down syndrome'.
And so...
On far too many occasions, you were called 'the Down's kid'.
So you weren't referred to by your name,
but you were referred to by a label.
WOMAN: I think we can never underestimate the power of language.
You're in such a vulnerable state
that the potential to internalise the language and what they say to you,
which could be quite negative,
that sort of stays with you.
I think what I wanted at that time was empathy and compassion
and not pity.
Being encouraging and just being...
..um, kind and non-judgemental.
MRS BOLDUC: I asked for a meeting because I was, again,
frustrated with what was going on at the school.
And I started the meeting saying,
"I'm really sorry to take up your time."
And he stopped me and he said,
"Mrs Bolduc, don't ever apologise...
"..for taking up my time.
"This is the most important job you will ever do,
"advocating for your son.
"If we don't learn from you,
"we're never going to be able to help our students the best that we can."
So that made me feel...
..a lot more empowered.
I guess it's important that you as parents
feel listened to, and that doctors
care about finding solutions and supporting you.
What have your expectations of me been?
There have been times when I haven't been expecting enough from you,
and I have felt ashamed for that.
MAN: And you exceed our expectations
all the time.
I think my expectations of you have always been high.
I wanted you to experience as normal a life as possible.
From that moment you were born,
your dad and I made a pact on that day in the hospital
that we would do everything we could
to ensure that you would live an ordinary life,
doing ordinary things with ordinary people.
And that meant going to a regular preschool
and primary school and high school
and getting a job and moving into your own home
and getting married.
And you've ticked all of those boxes except for the...
-Married bit. -The married bit.
-Yeah. -We've got that one left to go.
MAN: You had to go through all that orthopaedic surgery
when you were eight years of age,
which was enormously challenging.
And you got through all that and got a very good result
through hard work, so you certainly...
You don't lack the ability to try, Jack, that's for sure.
Despite all, like, the hurdles and that,
and everything I've been through,
the final question is,
"Are you proud of me?"
Are you proud of me?
Wow.
(EXHALES)
This is when the tears come.
Um...
More than you can imagine.
Yes, Liam, I am proud of you.
I'm proud of you, but more than that, I think I admire you
and just look at you and think, "Wow."
And quite often I think, "Jeez, I wish I was a bit more like Shay."
(LAUGHS)
I actually don't think you'll ever know
just how proud I am of you, Nathan.
And how proud our whole family is of you.
WOMAN: You've made us very proud.
You can travel on your own
and you're working five days a week.
You've done everything you could possibly do.
You went through all of the physiotherapy,
you know, very heroically.
You are so kind and so loving.
I feel very, very lucky to be your mum.
I'm proud that you're married and you have a beautiful wife.
You're funny, you're cheeky. You're a gorgeous dancer.
-You're very sensitive. -Mum. Mum, no, don't. Don't.
I'm very...
I keep saying 'I', but WE are very proud of you.
And you've...
..amazing.
You're just amazing.
(SOBS) And I love you.
And you've been such a support since we've lost your dad,
which is really hard on all of us.
-It's been really tough. -You're a champion.
You're a champion.
(POWERFUL MUSIC)
(WARM MUSIC)