I never thought
my type of guy
would ever fall in love with a girl like me with a disability.
If I come back down to earth,
I remember sitting in the hospital, I couldn't even open my hand to like touch my
my loved one's face
and that crushed me. You make me fly
to go from that to seeing yourself in
this monstrous wheelchair.
I was like, who's going to ever want to be with me?
Well,
I don't know what to say,
but I bet he's sad. I bet people are mean to him.
I bet he doesn't have a friend in the world.
He says that I was the most awkward person he'd ever been around.
I was
one.
So
just
when
you
open
up
because my mom, I remember one day she was really trying to make me feel better.
But she was like,
well ali like the only reason that you don't have a boyfriend is because of the chair.
I remember thinking to myself, this might be an issue for some guys.
But I believe there's someone out there who this isn't a problem for them.
I don't think in my case, I will find that
moment when you say, OK, this is my reality.
I think I will never accept this.
It wasn't until I started working with the disabled community that
I truly begin to understand the meaning of unconditional love.
When I was 23 I was hospitalized two times in two months,
diagnosed with bipolar disorder and psychosis.
Once I borrowed the canvas
to
my love,
I knew I would never let myself be hospitalized a third time.
But I was only living off of prayer that that would be true.
Less than a year and a half later,
an amputee called me out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to document people
in the community that was so dear to him and that I knew literally nothing about.
I said yes. And so,
but Shirley became a witness to the immaculate heart and strength
that went into almost every action taken in their lives.
She the cover
that scar
words of
OK.
So
a reason to,
it took me to be hospitalized for a third time to realize
just how much strength we gain from the people who love us,
even with our Brokenness,
whether it's mental, physical or emotional,
it's not the strength that keeps me out of the hospital,
but it's the strength that keeps me alive.
It's the strength that keeps me on this journey to
try to answer the question for myself and for others,
if our disability is permanent, then when and how will we ever learn
to love and be loved permanently?
Surprisingly, everything else is
good to go.
So AJ my first question to you is
what has the process been like of filling that void? That
pretty much everybody has to go through at some point in the life of,
uh, finding someone to love you in an emotional and sexual way, you know,
finding that someone who,
who makes the mundane significant.
Well,
it's been pretty challenging
and I would say I've had different thoughts about it
and different,
um,
different opinions about it at
different times
every now and again, like people would make
jokes with me about like
being sexy or backing it up for me, but
it didn't go beyond like,
hey, you're cool dude, you're really cool.
You're awesome.
You have a big heart
and every now and again,
I may
shake my, I may
shake it in your face but
it's not gonna go,
it's not gonna go beyond that, you know.
So my question to you is how does that, how does that really feel?
Um
eg
don't put,
don't put this in the dock if I start crying
because I've only cried in one dock
if you,
I try not to think about it too much.
And I know
it's a difference between what you think in your brain and what you actually are.
But sometimes
I feel like a
loser like I haven't
like, um
I just like
you know, I'm 34 years old
and I have yet to have a romantic relationship
and I, I can't figure out why
I can't achieve that.
I've been told they don't make them like you anymore.
So I guess like
I'm, I'm always just
trying to figure out the great,
the great conundrum.
Then why do I have a relationship?
I can't figure it out but I, I try to be very positive and not being on like a soapbox
or want to cry about it. Maybe just like
the the universe
is saying it's just not your time yet.
Hopefully it'll be time soon because
it's, it's hard. Then
maybe when I say, you know what,
I'm not gonna think about that. Maybe it will,
maybe it'll happen.
I am paralyzed. I'm freaking a quad like come on, I'm the most paralyzed crap.
You can be,
I'm not the normal then. Um
I think I shared but I had a premonition at 17.
But when I woke up in the hospital,
it was like
this is it. This is a big bang that I've been waiting for.
My life was practically perfect. I was engaged.
I bought my house and I was on my way to modeling and acting and everything. And at
the age of 26 I got into a horrific car accident
and I broke my neck.
I was thrown out of the car
and I became a, they classified me as AC four C five quadriplegic complete.
I was sexually molested when I was a little girl, like when I was about 6.5, 7
and then I was raped when I was 17.
And so for me,
I've been through a lot of crap, a lot of hell.
And so when I got paralyzed, for me, it was like, oh, this is nothing
I focused on the fact that I was alive
and I was grateful for that. I'm still the same Angela.
Yes, I'm in a different vessel. I'm not gonna be able to
sashay down the runway like I used to,
but
I haven't changed.
Comes
back.
Would you ask me
today
when I was at ranch? I remember sitting there
completely paralyzed. I didn't move at this time,
I was still using a sip and puff and I was like this.
And I remember a girlfriend of mine had came into the hospital
to come visit me
and she was a good friend of ours. And I remember her coming in
and giving my husband
this like embrace like really hugging him
and then she gave him a kiss.
And I remember looking
and it, it wasn't exactly a sense of jealousy towards her.
It was just a sense of pain that hit me
because
I wasn't gonna be able to do that
because now I wasn't able to touch my husband the way I used to.
And there was other women that were gonna be able to do that just by a basic hug.
Being a quadriplegic doesn't stop me.
Just being paralyzed,
doesn't stop me from being in a relationship or
being physical or making love or anything like that.
If I'm with the right person, because if I'm with the right person,
I don't feel like I'm paralyzed.
Ok, let's do this. Baby.
Turns out you have to stay there, baby,
you have to stay
because you didn't even know I was in a wheelchair because we met on, ok, Cupid
first. She was deceiving because she didn't put, not even one
not deceiving.
You
saw it from here and you saw the chair, you were not at all.
There was no chair in the pictures.
There was, my profile is still up. I'll show you, you can examine it
the first day, the first meeting, the first kind of day that we had,
I already knew that
I would probably
spend the rest of my life with.
You don't want to date me,
but I didn't want to at first because I was scared because I already knew that
it was going to take a lot of time and care to give to her
and
even money. You were. How old when I met you?
I was 26.
And how,
yeah,
I'm 29.
He's almost, you guys are the same age.
Almost 2000.
Ben's got this whole thing. So he's like what
severs only. I said, yeah, he's like a 55 year old man trapped in a 29 year old body.
Well, yeah, there's definitely also an age gap. Yeah.
Yeah,
I'm 42.
We have beautiful sex together.
I mean,
uh I le at first of course, I had to learn
how to use her body before my accident. I was a very sensual sexual
loving being and I'm still that person and
when I got injured, of course, the first thing on my mind
was,
oh my God. Can I still have sex?
We gotta make this look romantic babe.
Ok.
When you lay me down,
I'm really paralyzed. Like I'm,
I cannot sit up,
I cannot roll over like the on. I'm just a bobblehead. My head just bobs up and down.
That's it.
Go ahead.
See,
I'm transferring it.
I'm turning
here.
Oh.
Hm.
Mhm.
That you don't, you do that when we have a lot of time.
His normal is 45 minutes to an hour.
But if we're having like a quickie, he's normal. It's like 20 minutes.
You have to maneuver with your strength. Of course, if you're a weak guy,
start to go to the gym a little bit,
work out a little bit because you have to carry a full body
and to turn the body on and whatever it depends on what you want to do.
You can use different apparatus.
You can use toys, but we don't use toys, we don't need it. That's why.
Ok, so let's show the other like just the typical bed.
I truly believe that women
with disabilities
are more in tune with their body if they
make that choice than women that are able bodied.
Because
here it is, we're in this body now. That's brand new.
And most of us can't feel everything
some of us do,
but it forces you
to come within yourself and to really feel everything
and to really pay attention to everything
because people think that automatically if you're paralyzed,
you feel nothing down there.
But everyone's different.
Paraplegics can feel different from quadriplegics like I'm hyper sensitive.
So it's like the moment the penis enters
the body is like, whoa what is that? What's going on? Oh my gosh.
Like because it's hyper sensitivity,
let's start
out of position.
See
you're so chewy
there.
Stop.
Look
at my makeup.
Don't
mess
up the
roll
back.
Huh?
That's
crazy.
They're
crazy
doggy style. I mean he doesn't really care for doggy style. I like doggy style.
You know what's happening
but
see I'm also like I let him just pull me around. I'm not like this fragile doll.
I look all skinny and fragile but I'm not, I'm just like just grab me, don't be
and that was the thing you were afraid. I was afraid to break you.
He was afraid to do it rough and whatever because
he was scared he was gonna break me or something.
See, from there we just go down
and that's what we do every day. I fix your legs,
let my spasm out.
So I am in chronic pain every day 24 7.
And I do deal with a lot of spasms every day
and I am spastic before we make love. But as soon as
we start and I have all the orgasms and everything.
And after we make love, my body is relaxed, my pain is gone
and my body is limp.
Now
we wanna have sex on the chair. Look at this,
I pulled her out,
grab her legs,
pull her out,
she grabs her legs
and
he just comes inside of me now because we're trying to have babies.
So with all
that, let's have some sex now. Good God
almighty.
Put aside all the stereotypes and all the rules of the
world that you already know because you're entering another world now.
It takes a lot of patience. It takes a lot of strength
that you have to give every single day
that the reward
is probably the highest thing.
So you're doing something that is so high, so powerful. It's so great
that
that will make you feel like a superhero
that will make you feel like, oh my God, it's good but not because
it's not
uh projecting yourself. Oh my God, I'm good. You know, I'm a superhero.
I'm taking care of a oh no,
it's their happiness
that makes you feel like this being out in public
and you know, naturally people
look at you guys because it's just not something that's, it's not usual,
it's not usual.
Right. How do you like?
Oh, come on.
I don't give
a, I really don't give a damn. No, I don't care. I mean,
what are they thinking? They're probably thinking, oh, look at them.
They're in love or
who knows?
No, I'm not. Uh,
there is no shame
in all this.
I'm actually proud. I told you, I'm proud of what I'm doing.
I don't care
because I know that,
you know what I'm proud because I know that a lot of people
wouldn't resist a couple of days in my place,
in my clothes. You know what I mean?
And I'm proud that
she
and she's happy with me.
That's what I'm proud about
that. I'm making your life a little easier
and happier.
And then, and on the other side, she was alone. That's it.
This large,
put it right there
bag I got,
that's
pretty tires.
I added some bungs down here. So it slides right.
That sure is not going
open book at any point.
Did you ever feel like, man,
I'm like so fucked when it comes to getting a relationship?
Oh Yeah. Um
Right off the get go when I got hurt.
I mean, the first thing like I care less about the legs like you lost your manhood.
I'm a T 12.
Um So I'm like midway and down and that's, I mean,
everything was wiped out from the get go.
Like, I mean, not moving my legs, I'm not, I'm not moving anything.
How do you go on trying to find a relationship or love or,
you know, everything goes through your head, kids and future, you know,
I was 28 when I got hurt.
So
I didn't,
I had no idea where it was gonna go.
Bye bye
which day.
But
I was very fortunate because I was in the hospital for
right off the bat a good month because I was pretty mangled
up in a bike accident that I didn't hit that gnarly depression.
You know,
everybody's got their days but half of it's
the medications that they put you on half.
It's just like
you have too much time by yourself to think of
what, you know, life was like,
but it's not that anymore.
So you can't live a woe is me kind of life because nobody cares like ultimately,
but just like a standard picture frame
out of like maple or something like that, you know,
nice to get the 40 fives going just this little inlay in the back, just like you were
inlay in a mirror or any kind of photograph.
So this is a very delicate piece. This one is cut
laser.
Uh I do the graphic design and
then change into an Autocad program and
put it in the laser machine and those lasers are sweet.
But when it's something like this delicate, you tend to lose some spots.
Excuse
the first relationship I was with
a girl
when I got hurt
and, um,
awesome girl. But, you know, at 28 we weren't married. It was,
she didn't sign up for, this
would have been different. Had we been married or something like that?
But, uh, it's not a
relationship, death sentence that you got hurt.
And so this is, it's, I'm gonna lose you.
Um, I don't know, the statistic, you know, but I know it's on the high end that
you do lose, you know, the partner that you're with at that time,
you know, you got down days, there's attitude changes.
So there's things that overcome, you know, with people and how, like,
I got late nerve pain that nobody would understand unless you're in a chair,
nobody gets
that level of pain.
So I'm trying to explain that and how it's like,
I'm not mad, I'm just, I can't think of anything because the pain is so intense.
If they don't get it, then
you kinda gotta
move on to the next person that does get it.
But yeah, the like, so the next one is a physical therapist.
So she was around it all day long, you know? And
then the next one, then the next one.
Do you ever feel like
holy shit? Like
I just won that guy. I just won that girl
over it.
Oh,
yeah.
Oh,
yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, definitely able body or not.
It's like you beat out everybody else. Like, a lot of times it, it's, uh, it, it helps,
you know,
especially because I get in the bar stool like that leaves a wide open chair.
Like you wanna try it out. I go,
you know,
that's a shoe in and if it scares you,
you're not gonna come around anyways.
I don't know,
just be a really good dancer.
I don't dance anymore. But
you,
you don't see chicks like just like jumping in dudes arms
and then swinging around like they wanna sit on my lap.
Uh You know, like and dance around by all means, sit on my lap.
You can't get any closer to somebody that you don't
know that you wanna be close to then like,
I could sit at the bar and be like, oh you know,
and touch you and there's like that physical contact that somebody wants, but
she just sits on your lap like
I won,
I
it's pretty free flowing like once you're
here,
like, you know how you're here really? Like, you know, like
we both know what, what's going on. So um
just go at it.
I, I've never had somebody like just stop in the middle of sex and be like,
this is fucking weird like and just leave like
it's never happened to me. Uh
So I, I, if that's like a
an issue or if that's a thought in somebody's head, like that's never happened to me.
I don't, I don't think anybody thinks that somebody's in a chair and like, oh,
sex is normal, you know, like, hey, normal, we're gonna, there's gonna be,
we're gonna be adding something.
We're, we're gonna, we're gonna figure this out,
we're gonna figure it out together, you know.
So right now it's,
let's get guys in here.
So I'm not,
clearly, this is not
a,
I don't, I'll just sit up in the morning. There's more
multi
use, you know. So obviously that's another one. I get away with it that
it's not just, uh,
you know, hanging in my room making it look like a sex engine or something like that.
I give anything to, you know, stand up and
well, like have sex against the wall, you know,
like I'd give anything to make it normal and get, you know, behind you normal, not,
you know, stressing my arms up or holding on to some device.
No, I got nothing else. If I let go.
Obviously, I'm like crumbling down just like most people.
No leg function
again. If I'm up here,
this helps out,
helps with moving
where we need to go.
And that one, I don't,
I don't know why everybody doesn't have that one anyways able body or not.
So there's an idea and, uh,
the simple,
you try it, you set it up and
if it doesn't work, you take it right down,
you know, all the things that come with a chair,
all the, all the quirks, you know, you got
bowel and bladder programs, like,
you know, you get an oral and
bust ass in their face like
that happens like
you try not to. But
so, I mean, that's, you know, so that's,
that's the end of oral at that moment for sure.
That definitely ends that, you know,
but again, I have anybody freak out and leave because of it. You turn it into a joke.
Any embarrassing moment,
you turn into a joke and make it as funny as you possibly can.
If you can't talk it out, then it wasn't meant to like, I don't know, just
it wasn't meant to be anyways.
I'm gonna change what I do to overly you know,
to be somebody different for you. You know, this is who I am. This is what I do.
I've peed on her a few times during intimacy
on accident because I had a blip muscle spasm and
you know, on accident,
a couple of golden showers and a few other things we don't wanna mention.
But,
but like,
I mean,
I think the first time we were in the hospital and I
was just laying in the hospital bed with him because I could fit
and
um I
fell
asleep and then all of a sudden I felt something
really warm on my body and I was just like,
oh,
and then I realized like, oh my gosh, my catheter fell out
and I'm all drugged up because I've been operated on.
So I'm just like living the dream, you know,
nice, warm wet bed.
I had to wear diapers and that was like,
that's not cool. You know, you're 19 years old, 1920 21.
You wanna feel
empowered? You wanna feel
sexy?
Like,
I don't know that a diaper will, will get you there. So that was kind of,
it was embarrassing. Put it that way.
I mean,
I was at the Abilities Expo and there was a couple
of girls that were hanging out with me and Stefano,
we're trying to find a bathroom.
We couldn't find a uh a
co ed bathroom. I said, screw it, babe, let's go behind the curtains over here.
We'll just do it here.
So we did, we rolled behind there. He popped my legs up. I opened my legs, he t
me
clean me up.
We threw the bag to the side, we rolled out and we're like, and the girls,
two of the girls looked at me and they're like, wow.
And I said what they said that's, that's deep. I go what the fact that you find a man
who looks like that
and who loves you and can do that.
That's amazing.
The girl was like, how am I gonna tell him that I don't have bladder control?
Like, what am I going
to say? And I remember one night
like crying with him and I was like, I don't want to tell you this and he's like,
it's ok.
It's ok. And I was like, well, I can't,
I don't know, I don't know if I'm going to pee and he's like,
I know
it's ok
and because he accepted that at that time,
I remember feeling like he could do no wrong.
So you're laying in bed talking
um
and just randomly one of the questions that come up.
So how do you poop?
Well, me and indeed, she looks at me and goes, how do you poop?
And I look at her and I said I take man poops
and that was the first time that we talked about our bell boo.
That's how it happened
when you're dating someone.
Obviously, if they're in a chair, something's different, you know, and
that's something that I never thought I would ever have to talk
to my boyfriend about was how do I go to the bathroom?
I use a catheter like
it's like it's a
normal thing for us now. And
I think once you get over like fear of having to explain that to someone.
A whole other world opens up. I feel
it's a whole another type of love. What happened. Exactly.
Um I was a senior in high school and after a
party got into a car with a friend that had been drinking
and we ended up hitting a tree head on.
Um, you know, being a dancer my whole life. I had no idea what a spinal cord injury was.
And
but I wanna dance, you know, and when I take classes in L A, it's
my time to be at home again.
So you uh the doctors tell you you're not gonna walk again
and you say uh yes, but I wanna dance again.
And uh and 51 days after you get out of the hospital, you started dancing again.
And
yeah,
I
became very self conscious after my accident because my legs shrank.
I didn't have a nice butt. I just became very aware of my body.
So if we were to stand up and lean,
our head would go back. So in order to compensate for us not being able to lean,
put your head back
and then four
would last
like
a
mhm
It's like a dancing dream
I saw,
let's see.
I think the main struggle before
I dated Jay was
trying to
explain to people how normal I am.
Um
Yeah.
Do you think
for me
getting in and out of the car is super fast? You know, and
I was always trying to be like, oh this is normal or I got it.
I got it and trying to be as independent as possible
to make the other person in the relationship feel like OK,
she's got it.
I don't have to take care of her and they want
to take care and same with the women in the relationship.
I want to take care of him, even though I have a disability,
it's always good as mine.
Um,
she treats me so now
God,
she doesn't have, like, big thick legs, but it's not,
not what I need sexually mentally emotionally.
She makes me very, very happy. I've had multiple people ask me, like,
like you're dating a girl in a wheelchair, like,
or how, how does that work?
Like, I mean, it is just, it's so normal to me and it's like, I
not a big deal but like to other people who
haven't
dabbled into,
like,
looking at people past their
physical features.
Yeah.
There's no question about it. I'm dating a girl in a wheelchair.
I'm not in a relationship with a girl in a wheelchair because like,
I want people to take note and I think that
that's how I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman
who happens to be in the chair.
I love you.
I love her for her regardless of whether she's walking or rolling.
It's about here what she has in here,
what she does for the rest of the world.
That's why I love her.
I
love you.
You guys can kiss if you want.
But
no, we do that too much.
Get
out here.
And
you know, she was one of the first girls that I ever dated. Her
mom was like, yes,
marry that girl.
You have lipstick on your, on you. Now,
I'm sorry.
There you go. It looks good on you.
But
is it my color
on your?
Yeah.
Feels good
to me.
And you.
I remember talking to Chelsea
about this and she was like, Ali,
I wish you could have experienced what sex feels like on the other side of it,
like on
like feeling your entire body.
And I was like,
I
don't even think my friends have asked me, what can you feel? You know, because
it's something that they're scared to ask. So, yes, sex is amazing.
I just, I am just the kind of person who just loves sex.
I always feel like it's important to do things so that you don't have to wonder what if
I was hurt in a car accident when I was two years old with my mom and my brother
and I had a spinal cord injury which left me paralyzed from the C 72
level, which is about
here.
Um So chest down, my brother
also was injured in the car accident. He had a traumatic brain injury
and Jake and I were in a rehabilitation center for six months.
People would say things like
you're too pretty to be in a wheelchair
and that can't be permanent.
And that
really started to get my wheels turning about what it meant to be disabled.
This is where
it,
all
these hands are my freedom.
I was confused about why the two things
couldn't be possible.
And when I was little.
I remember going to the mall with my mom
because I love going to the mall because the floors
are like, really slick and so like in a wheelchair, it's like heaven.
And, um,
and, uh, people were staring at me
and I said, mommy, why are people staring at me?
And she said, well,
they're staring at you because they've never
seen anybody so beautiful in a wheelchair.
And that was a really good mom response. And as a little girl,
I accepted that response.
But then as I got older, I remember thinking to myself,
this might be an issue for some guys, but
I believe there's someone out there who this isn't a problem for them.
It's not an issue.
So
I have an audition for a feature film today
and I had to go up to midtown
and,
you know,
some days I decide
it says, screw those cabs, screw the ubers. No buses can't get on the subway.
I'm pushing.
So I pushed from Chelsea to 43rd today,
which is fun. And then I get my workout.
I had this huge crush on this boy named Pete.
We were friends,
but he sort of pushed away when I told him sophomore year of high school summer.
He asked me out,
we dated my junior and senior year and that was like my first kiss.
Um, and my first relationship,
um I lost my virginity when I was 18. We used to
make out every single time we were together, I would come home like covered in hickey
because it felt so good on my neck because it was like where I could feel.
And uh my mom was like,
lie. No, you cannot,
you can't have all these hickey. It's not appropriate. And I'm sort of like,
I don't care.
I love this.
That's what the first time falling in love was like for me
and then I moved to L A
and I started going out on some dates and it was really bad. I got involved with like,
just guys that were not good. Like I went out on a date with a guy who, like,
really charmed me. He like, showed up with this like really amazing car.
Um, but then, like started asking me like, really kind of gross questions.
He was like, oh, I hear girls in wheelchairs give great head
and, uh, he started to get like, kind of controlling and that ended pretty quickly.
And then, um, I was seeing somebody else in L A and,
um,
was in a really not great situation and I felt really sexually taken advantage of
and
it was a direct reflection of how I felt about myself and I'm aware of that now.
But at the time I was like, what's going on?
Why is this going so badly? I feel horrible.
I was really upset at myself for not having like more respect and self worth that.
I deserved more.
But what was difficult was that I wanted the physical connection
and I wanted that thing that Samantha and sex
and the city could do where she just like,
viewed sex as just like this physical thing.
But I wasn't quite ready to reveal myself emotionally to someone.
And that part of the intimacy was missing
because I was really afraid
and not just like about sharing my body and what it, what it,
you know, how it's different or, or the way that it is,
but more like sharing what it's really like to be
me.
Ok,
started when I was nine months old,
was diagnosed with a blood infection in my right leg called septicemia.
Um And if it spread, it would have
taken me out and they decided to amputate instead.
And from then on, I've been using either a prosthetic leg until the age of 10
and these crutches afterwards for the past 16 years. So,
uh pretty fairly used to them
as for skating, that was definitely a tricky learning curve.
There's not many people skating and doing flip tricks
with crutches. So, um I was kind of just teaching myself as well.
A
lot of falling down and getting back up,
you know, just getting really used to my crutches as much as possible.
Oh,
walk it on. Right.
Two.
Spent a lot of time outside
with me and my brother,
I just rolled with the punches as much as possible.
And my brother was into skateboarding, so I kind of followed him around a lot too
in,
it's brought me to where I am today.
Um, I'm a professional athlete mostly for skiing
but, uh,
I also focus on other activities as well in the summer and fall and spring.
I'm also a director for our adaptive sports program here in Bozeman.
So I still get that a lot, a lot of staring
but,
you know, again, roll with the punches.
Oh.
Oh,
looks
yummy.
Oh,
yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Give me two
minutes.
It's gonna be a little sketchy
like what the hell's going on here?
Oh,
feels so good.
Huh?
You
shake your head
and
you
guys,
what's your
name? I'm
Savannah. What?
You guys are awesome. Sorry, I was just like, this is so
cool
and I love that you're doing what you want to do.
Have
a great day. You too.
Three days before I started shooting this film,
the girl that I loved
broke up with me
and
what I realized was that
it's ok to move on and it's ok to move on to someone else. And it's certainly ok to
not think about that person
all the time, right? But
I should not and will never forget that
that memory of
being loved by her
means so much to me. You know,
and
my question to you is as a human being and also as a human being
with a disability,
what is that? Memory like for you
and how much does it mean to you
of being loved by a
woman?
It means a lot, I think. Um
mainly because
it's definitely
difficult. I, I see it to be a little more difficult to find love. But as
you know, a lot of people that have had disabilities put it when you find that love,
it's
seems a lot more genuine.
So
I think uh patience and in due time
it might fall into place and when it does,
I think it's like two stars colliding
following through.
This is so fucking weird, man.
Hey,
hello.
Hey,
no, this is, this is a funny thing. Follow me.
Hey, I got a question for you guys who holy shit. There's like a crowd of you guys.
All right. How many of you are there?
It's like five couple. Oh
OK.
So I'm trying to do a documentary about love and sexuality, the disabled community.
If I came up to you and hit on you and tried to ask you out, what would you think?
I mean, it depends how strong your game is, dude. Ah There you go.
What would you like to learn more about?
What is it like sexually? I don't know because I haven't done it that often.
So you don't have a leg. I don't, and
you
like having sex. Obviously everyone does.
He
doesn't.
So like what you just have to like do like a prop up type of thing or like, no, I mean,
it's the same,
it's not.
If you're a nice guy and like, you treat women
respectfully and like you're gentlemen,
then that comes first, you know, and then everything else kind of comes second
and you never have to be crazy in bed to be,
to fall in love with a man.
Thank you so much. What's your name?
Megan
Basu.
Nice to meet you.
And they're on a mission.
Hey, I got a question for you. I
mean,
if I
made it
like a car, I feel like
as
long as you know, if you don't make it a thing, why would I make it
a thing
if you could put yourself in his shoes? I'm like you. I only have one shoe.
I don't really go up and talk to many attractive guys, to be
honest.
Maybe the attractive thing would be the most intimidating.
Have you guys dated anyone with a disability of any type? Blind?
Blind?
Oh, cool. How'd that go? He's a great guy.
A little like different, like stuff you don't think about,
right? But I mean, I guess you see everything.
It's just in your mind of like, will this people judge me for this?
And you just like, you kind of have that in your head?
What would you think if I came up to you and
you?
Oh, awesome. Thank you.
This one experience I had that was traumatic with this,
uh with this girl was in college and then, you know, I asked her out, she said no,
she was throwing a party that night as well.
So I stopped by.
Um, but
before I like made the turn into the room, maid room,
um I just overheard her talk to her friend, like
I wouldn't
date him because he had one leg, got back home and I just
was like a
mess just like
bawling my eyes out. I was like, what just happened?
Like I didn't do, I don't think I did anything wrong.
I was like
pretty naive, I would say before that.
Um
But then it like brought me back to reality of like what people actually
might look at me as we're making a documentary
about love and sexuality in the disabled community.
I
just wanted to see like what your perspective of that was.
I'm not so sure about sexuality. My brother's over there. So let's,
yeah,
we definitely have a great buffer to find the true souls.
What's your name? Lee Lee Basu.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Good to meet you as well. Take care. Have a good one
for yourself.
We won nails.
I
to
ok
out
your
e
Yeah,
you what?
The dogs,
I am thankful
that I, I am in a relationship but not because
I am in a wheelchair and I am thankful
that persons love someone that is in a wheelchair.
I don't see that connection there
and maybe
that's why
she, because she is a, she,
maybe that she doesn't see that in me because I don't make her,
I don't make her feel that she's loving someone in a wheelchair.
I just make her feel that she's loving in some way.
I am a shooter
per
what?
That day? I was gonna go out and shoot and try some, uh,
how we call it, Tiro, El Blanco.
And,
well, I was in my office and I had this, um,
nice guy who lives, or he lives in my, in my
office. He's 88 years old now.
And,
well,
I had my, I had my gun in my,
in my desk. I was, he was on my back
and he thought the gun was empty and
he shot my, shot me.
He told me, I thought it was a toy
and it, even though I know it looks like a toy,
um,
well,
it changed my life
and now I have a spinal cord injury
because of a gunshot.
I
mean,
let's do
that much.
Yeah.
If you think that you're gonna survive this accident,
you think it's gonna be with somebody that has been in your life before.
If you think you're gonna make it through this,
it's with people you already know.
But then you'll find that it's not true.
Maybe they miss your before more than you do or more than I do.
Now, I can understand that that person was not the was not the person to be
with me, leaving this new Gretchen
because it's a different one.
I don't mind.
I
have seen so many friends that they're so bitchy anyway and they run stand up dance
and
they have their boyfriends and girlfriends. Why shouldn't I have mine?
My k
then I'm
all.
Well, that was a very nice mistake.
And, well, the hurricane
hit him so hard with water and wind that he started
breaking
the thing with the spinal cord injury.
It's that
you get to lose everything in seconds. You die to that person.
You,
that's another person.
It's super difficult to go to your own funeral
day by day and accepting that that part is gone
and that now you are receiving a new life.
I like
this.
Yeah, we wheelchair
users could be
players too. Maybe players in a good way.
I don't know if players in a good way is a good thing
to be with more than one person.
It helped me
because
I felt the difference
for me.
How do I feel with this person? How do, how do I feel with this other person?
How do I feel with this other third person? And that make me decide how I wanna feel
or who make me feel better
when you are in bed with someone
that you don't need to be thankful to
sex change.
You just have to enjoy it. You don't have to make that person enjoy it.
She just had to enjoy it and he or she will enjoy it
because you are enjoying it.
Only when you try different people,
you will see that
you can ask for some, for more and you can ask your body for more.
Not the other person, you can ask for more as yourself.
Like maybe next time I can try this, maybe next time I can say this
who, where
this live South
a
room where my baby slips out.
Not
so
back through your
baby.
No,
in 2006, I was a single mom and I was seven months pregnant
when an intruder
broke into my house and
shot me in the neck. My brother ran in and he had his thumb
and my neck and three fingers
in my back to stop the bleeding.
They asked me
where my cousin was, who had just been with me that night,
he was found the next day by a jogger. He had two bullets to the head.
The shooter
shot him first and then backtracked to my house and broke in.
And
that's when he shot me in the neck.
My 12 year old daughter, she had to cover
her brother and sister's eyes so that they didn't see
me in the condition
that she had just seen me in. Because
I actually died at the scene.
I remember hearing God's voice saying, breathe, Maggie, breathe.
And then the next voice I heard was
the nurse asking me if
we were going to be working on
my life or saving my life or saving the baby's life and,
and I felt his spirit leave my body
because then I woke up four weeks later
from a coma.
The doctor told me that had I not been pregnant,
I wouldn't have survived. I had so much blood loss
that the blood I carried in my womb is what saved my life.
So that, um,
not something I cherish my son that
I wonder sometimes,
um,
what he would look like or
who he would be.
Um,
it's hard.
I was told that I would be paralyzed
from my neck lying down
that I would be dependent on a breathing machine
for the rest of my life
and that I would no longer speak.
Keep trying
but
hold her.
Oh
my kids braid my hair. I don't braid their hair.
I can do my own makeup, but
they have to dress me.
I have accidents, they have to clean me up. It's not the way life's supposed to be
sing
again. That the dignity thing that,
that I was robbed of that.
That hurts more than not being able to walk
as a kid. Like I'm that old romantic that still dreams about that white picket fence
and that
prints and shining armor that's gonna come and save the day.
I still dream about that, you know, and
it's like
that dream was shattered. That's never gonna happen.
And
that lasted for a long time.
Ah,
and
a sweet,
you help me set
about
my,
I was paralyzed at the age of 19. Right. At that time
I felt so powerful and invincible
to
one shells. Wrapped
my boyfriend and his friends. They had
planned to go to Rosarito and have a good time.
We decided to grab a taxi because we didn't wanna drink and drive.
All of us went in that, in that car. It was a big old car.
I just remember it was kind of cold and we were going fast
and all of a sudden we struck a horse that
was randomly standing in the middle of the road,
the roof and the horse collapsed on top of my spine
and severed my spinal cord. I had
multiple fractures, my lungs collapsed. I couldn't speak.
I broke my ribs also had facial fractures.
I was just broken in so many ways, but
especially I was heartbroken after this accident because Patrick didn't survive.
He was holding me to try to protect me and, and he did, he saved my life.
It was instant death for him.
And for the taxi driver
later on say like a year post injury, you know, it's natural.
You start to like somebody. I remember feeling guilty,
feeling like I'm cheating on Patrick
knowing
the love he had for me. I I also knew he would want me to be happy and,
and find somebody he wouldn't want me to be alone forever.
The never ending sun.
Now, I can proudly say I'm in a good relationship. I, I'm engaged now.
So it's, it's different.
I hope to make him proud and,
and that what he did
wasn't in vain and,
and it's a way that he'll always live forever.
No,
four.
Ok.
I want to come.
Hasn't
come yet.
And
so the story is I, I fell in love with somebody
and
I'm gonna tell you the, the, the broadness of it
but
not going to my new detail.
Is that ok?
You just swing for the fences and,
and, uh,
I love you anyways.
Ok, when I asked someone out before
I would be like,
so nervous about it, it would take me a long time to do it. And,
but I always said to myself, ok, even if they say no,
we'll still be friends
and it's cool like, and I'll just get over it.
But the one difference between this time and the
other times was I really didn't get over it.
Like, first of all, I'm used to
being turned down anyway.
But the thing that I was surprised at this time was like,
how much it hurt.
I got really depressed.
I was crying every day.
You know, I didn't really have an appetite and
now of course, that was years ago
and I'm not going through that now, but I'm, I feel
like
I'm madly in love with it,
you know, for all the people who think out there that,
oh, well, what does he know about love if he's never had a
relationship or whatever, what is love to you? You know?
That's what I, I mean, that's what I really want to know.
What do you mean when you say I was madly in love with her
and,
oh,
I, I mean,
I wanted her
with family. I, I wanted her
to be the mother of my Children. I want us to
like go through life together
and, and see
change. I wanna go through
um They're very good with her and they're very great
and the very word with her,
I wanna experience it with her and I, I want, I wanna
spend the rest of my life and uh sing into her eyes for the next four decades and like,
I don't, I don't know, man. I gotta,
I gotta stop before I start crying.
Um
No, I
know.
Jeez. The first thing I think about in the morning
and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep,
I think about it every time I take,
think about it every time I take a breath.
So I have to carry you down upstairs. Um Yeah,
it would be, it would be a two person job
camera
like it
all for
me.
Two
welcome.
Where are we
going?
Oh
Fuck,
I'm not, it wasn't too heavy. I just got so nervous. Oh
Why? I don't know, I just didn't want to drive you
like 10 stairs. That's fine.
I've fallen down where
I was talking to this guy that I had met at an event
and he's like, I don't want this to seem like insensitive. But can you drive?
And I was like, hey, that's not insensitive at all. B hell yeah, I can drive.
Like,
thanks for asking. Like, fuck. Yeah, I can drive.
I drive really well and really fast. It's great.
You know,
it was September 24th, 1995. My mom and I uh had just gone to
get some groceries and hang out with friends and
we were walking home
and um
this guy that she knew
came up and was like, hey, Jen, do you need a ride?
And we were like, all right. Sure.
So we get in the car and as we're driving to our place,
he's arguing with his girlfriend
and we parked the car,
we got out of the
driver's side,
walked around the back and in that amount of time he forgot we were there
and threw the car in reverse and backed up
and completely ran me over. I was like half a step behind my mom.
So he clipped me,
ran me over and um
it was another guy who came over and like pick the
car up enough for my mom to pull me out.
And at that point she knew that I was gone.
I was turning blue.
I wasn't breathing. I wasn't making a sound
and another guy came over
and gave me CPR
and revived me and kept me stable until the paramedics came.
And then, you know, a
couple of hours later when she finally saw me and I was out of surgery and stuff,
they told her, um,
your son is paralyzed.
He has ac 45 incomplete spinal cord injury
and will likely
never move anything below the, below his neck.
How old are you?
I was 14 months old,
growing up in a chair was pretty easy because my mom is a superhero.
I started playing wheelchair sports when I was four at school.
I was the only person in a chair.
If I wanted to play kickball, I was gonna play kickball. You know what I mean?
I would have to be like, ok, can you kick the ball and I'm just gonna run
right.
Um, or like Foursquare. I was, I was champion at Foursquare, man.
It was just next level. Girls were
a challenge but I think it's just because girls are challenging at that age.
I mean, any age, to be honest, yeah, girls are still a challenge but
I would, I would ask girls out
and get rejected o like pretty often. But I mean, it doesn't stop me from like
trying,
you know,
I've been in a wheelchair for 12 years now and
I got injured in Seattle when I was riding on my motorbike and
the guy just ran a red light
just took me out
simple accidents.
I went from being,
I, I mean, like a fine, fully competent,
um, able bodied person to
wake it up in hospital
and being fine with seeing a disabled person.
I think my injury for my immediate family was probably
a lot more shocking than it was for me.
My son,
if anything, I think he's, he just admires it.
I actually think he's a much better person now
since I've been injured than he was before
and he was already awesome then. So
my son just put this out
to
this
record
out
for you.
Very proud of that.
I was just trying to sink with
my one. I
see.
Change the bar
but the fore got to the court,
my dogs out here.
I still
all
I
know
that
we
just,
I'm not like terribly experienced,
you know, like I've only had sex a couple times and I've only like, been
intimate in other ways,
you know, like a couple times, the logistics aren't crazy.
Like there's no, there's really no logistics to
get over.
I can't be on top and that's about it.
You know what I mean?
Like, otherwise everything is pretty, like pretty much the same.
This is the ultimate wheelchair diagram though.
Some of them seem kind of,
they really
are. That
is super sketchy.
Yeah.
Well, I think the
assumption is that there's a table or a bed there.
Yeah, I hope unless
she's just got her legs
wrapped around her neck. Well, you do. I mean, you got a thick neck, bro.
The possibilities.
I'll try it. I'll let you guys know either it's going to be great or I'm going to like,
paralyze myself, do
more
damage.
One
468.
Those are all in your conquest, my conquest,
I guess. Kind of three.
But yeah,
not bad.
You
ready to go young g
I just deal with like body image issues
every day, especially at school, like at college,
you know, I went to
us c
and like there are some of the best looking people I've ever seen in my life like
like thousands of them
I would think there's literally no way
anybody's gonna notice me. There is literally no way for you to hide
your disability. I put myself in a chair online because
that's who I am.
It doesn't define me,
you know, like I do a bunch of stuff but like just objectively speaking,
right? Like by definition
I'm disabled.
Yeah, I'm on bumble and
going through profiles. A lot of them say like
under 6 ft swipe left.
I'm like, well son of a bit like
I don't even have an opportunity to
be over 6 ft.
Like you can't tell I'm, I'm short anyways like I'm whatever but like
I'm fucking like
43 sitting in the chair, you know, like that isn't even close.
Like how am I supposed to
compete? With that.
Oh see, this is probably a fake profile but it's nice to.
Now what do you guys wanna film?
Now? We're just on bumble.
Let's chill out for a little bit and then we'll get you working out.
Ok? Yeah, for sure.
Now this document has just become about us just swiping and just what the girls only
having one pictures like what the fuck is just trying to get out of that.
You know, my situation is because I move around a lot.
So I tried online dating.
It's the hardest
avenue to,
for me personally because you're asking to be judged as a disabled person,
not just as a person
that takes a lot of courage
and you choose not to have a ramp.
Yeah,
too lazy.
Well, these are my
surfing trophies. So
that's my main, probably my main pastime is surfing
if I've been injured for 12 years
and there was CFO before I was injured,
I was also a whitewater kayaker.
So they honored me with that big one in the middle. That's
the athlete of the year 2015.
I've got ac five incomplete
and a T one complete.
So I have no function
essentially from the armpits all the way down.
And I can't feel anything. I can drive a knife through my leg.
I'm not going to feel anything
as far as sexual function goes. Uh
I, I can,
you know, I can have intercourse, I can have penetrative intercourse
but I don't ejaculate.
Um
I
don't feel anything,
uh, physically
did anything in you be like
I
wanted that
my kingdom.
No.
Um,
maybe at first. Yeah,
history has always showed us that
like men get off really easy.
I mean, again, the wind only has to change and, you know, they'll ejaculate
and
women, it's not so easy. You know, women have a much harder time.
So it's always been the woman who's never satisfied. Right
for me. Now, I feel like I'm in that role.
It's,
you know, it's, it's
just
different,
but it's also really, um
it's really empowering as well because she will fully, you know, climax
and everything and that is,
that's really satisfying.
It's definitely
equates to an, an orgasm for sure.
As far as women not making the obvious choice. I've never been hit on more
than since I've been in a wheelchair.
It's ridiculous.
Um,
and it was, that was something I had to adjust to.
Just
bizarre.
I just think women are awesome.
Thank you girls.
So I have a question for you. I mean, you've been
involved in the disabled community for the last couple of years
and you've been around
and I, I personally know a lot of, uh of incredible women that you've been around.
Have you ever questioned it yourself? Have you ever,
like,
I would totally whoop up with that. I would like,
I would throw down with that girl right now.
The answer is absolutely.
But
would there be some serious adjustments that I would have to get
through my thick shallow brain
being, being a 27 year old red blooded male.
And the reason why I probably haven't pursued
any
so far is
fear. Yeah.
What do you think? Like, what do you think about me?
Like being scared of atrophy and whatnot? You know, like,
am I, am I a total shithead or? No?
You're not a shithead because you obviously have been conditioned to
see a body a certain way from when you're young,
you're not gonna find a woman that has
everything perfect unless you're dating a supermodel.
I really believe that like love doesn't always look the way that we expect it to.
And when Danny walked into my life, the feedback that I get from him, he's like,
I would never want to be with any other woman like your body.
The way that your body works, the way it looks, the way it feels
is the most incredible experience I've ever had with any woman.
And at first
I'll be honest, at first I was like, is he just saying that like to make me feel good
because I didn't get that feedback from the world.
I'm not seeing like women who look like me modeling underwear.
I went through a surrogacy experience just in case you don't know what it is.
Sex surrogate is um
is
a therapy
for people with um
disabilities or maybe
they went through some sort of, uh,
sexual trauma. It's for people that
have issues with being sexual or have never
had sex and they would like to
have sex. What they say the differences between surrogacy
and
is,
and, and prostitution is,
uh, the way they're breaking down is
prostitution wants your repeat business.
Surrogacy is trying to set you up for a
long term relationship.
In the beginning of therapy,
you're fully clothed and you may do something like in the beginning,
like
rub the top of my feet
for five minutes
and then do I do the very
same thing to her.
I would take off my top and like
she wouldn't
talk
about dress or whatever,
she would take off her top. But then her, her,
like for instance, her bra may be on
the next couple days,
the bras are gonna come off and then I could, like
we do the
sensational because again,
but I could touch the breath
and then one day,
like
you pass me, come on
and then so on and so forth. But then we go towards like um
masturbation.
He must read
me
and then we would do
different stuff like damn. And then like work towards the six.
But it's very much layered.
Wait, so you did have physical
sex with her
and I didn't necessarily have to go like this.
But because I was so nervous,
I actually had sex on the very last day of the program.
So I didn't get to do it twice.
And so
that was over a year ago.
And man, and I feel with
you.
But after that process, like,
I'm so grateful for what I went through
and what I learned and I'm glad I went through that journey.
It taught me to be comfortable
with another partner.
It taught me that I could pleasure another partner.
It taught me that
sex is possible for me.
Yeah.
It, it, it
told me that everything
is gonna be ok. We're led to believe that the whole,
the whole package of a relationship is, you know, great sex,
uh, great chemistry
and, um,
just great companionship.
Uh,
but the reality of it is that
if you,
if you break it down to a percentage,
the amount of time that you're spending
having penetrative sex is
nothing just doesn't even,
it's incalculable.
You know, it's like, it's the,
it's the process that we go through to have Children.
Like,
interestingly, I had one family member years after my injury asked me,
can you have kids? And
I remember thinking like you're, you're my family. Like, what do,
it's crazy that you waited this long to ask.
And I think she told me because she was kind of scared that
she wanna make me feel bad if maybe that was something that
I couldn't have kids.
And, and at the same time, the answer is
I always tell people, well, I don't know if I'm gonna have kids.
Somebody who is paralyzed can have kids,
but everybody is different. Like every woman is different.
I always try to tell people but I definitely
try to make sure that they understand that.
Yes, that somebody in a wheelchair can have kids can be pregnant. It's not,
it's not something that is impossible. It is possible. But
I don't know how things will work out for me
until I get there.
One thing I do think about on a very regular basis is
like fatherhood,
you know, like I can have kids. I I that's,
that's a thing that can and hopefully will eventually happen.
That scares the shit out of me. I've never not one time
seen someone
on screen
or like in any type of media
that like
is
a parent,
a California man with cerebral palsy is trying to
be the first person with his condition to climb Yosemite
Wampler who has spent most of his life in a wheelchair trained for the
hike for more than a year using weights and practicing in his harness,
relying solely on upper body strength.
He will be the first person with cerebral
to make the client. This isn't the safest thing to do in the world
and going back to his heart, Wampler is doing all this for his charity.
Now,
Steve recognizes how expensive it is to raise a child with physical challenges.
So he raises money to send every kid to camp at no cost to their family.
Hey, Steve,
how's it going?
I heard about your upcoming climb and I am so excited for you.
I think it's amazing that you're challenging yourself in such a significant way.
I can't even imagine trying something like that.
I get a little woozy on step ladders, you know?
Ok.
It,
you know.
Mhm.
Take
good. Yeah,
you got, you did.
Sweet.
Looks like
as the perfect
is it
today
after seven hour?
Um
so
really short
and I've signed up to this
the win.
My
parents
basically
kicked my ass.
They said
get on with it and this is what you've dealt with
and we don't feel sorry for you. We bought four other kids at home. It's basically
get on
with it and
whatever you can do,
you do and whatever you can do will help you out. But being something like
you're smart, you're
capable of going to school and
that was that and I mean they were very support
but they were expecting a lot out of.
No one really inspires me.
I've never had that person in my life where I need to aspire to be like them.
It's just I'm confident and
outgoing and I met my own in,
in
individual person.
Ok?
It
doesn't work.
Yeah.
Ok.
You are
great
next evening.
You
good to go see.
Hey,
thank you.
I
Yeah,
hi.
What's
happening?
I think that I'm more open than
all the girls that I did I basically, I was open for the whole thing.
It, because I knew
I knew that they were never,
they were never gonna open up to the point where it was gonna go anywhere. And so
I was just, uh, I
just, a
lot of my relationship became more of a friendship hanging out where
I knew they gonna go beyond that. So I did accept it and move on. Moved on.
I was always saying in the back of my mind,
I wonder if I'm ever gonna get married.
I met Elizabeth. Like right after
I moved the corn aisle,
Dave. Can he hear me?
Yeah, he can hear you? Oh,
ok.
Ok. Then I'm gonna talk for a minute. Ok,
Brad.
No.
Hey, Steve just said no, Elizabeth. He, he'd prefer to not um
talk right now or to hear you right now. I think he's pretty focused and settling up
just keeping that energy going.
I'm blowing out the lamp right now. Tommy.
That's it, buddy. That's where you're gonna be hanging.
I remember so distinctly him coming out of his office building
and the first thing I thought was, oh my gosh. I love his suit.
And then the second thing I thought was his face is beautiful.
And then the third thing I thought was, oh God, don't let me cry,
lady,
whatever. Ok. I was,
yeah,
I
talking to him like he couldn't hear or like he like
what the
hell
is going
on?
He was like,
crawl in the corner
and
I knew he'd gone to college. I knew he was an environmental engineer.
So I knew he was smart.
But maybe it was just, you know, like some people can just draw anything they want,
but they can't speak at,
I just couldn't put it together in my head
as fate would have it. I was just thrown into situations that he was in all the time.
It was kind of uncanny. Then he called me and he invited me out
and
to the Dell Great Hotel here in town and
I went from
going over there
and enjoying the company of a platonic friend to having it
somehow
not being platonic at all.
I literally didn't sleep at
all.
The, the night
that of our first date, which I didn't even know it was a date until I got there,
you know, II I just didn't and
I
knew,
yeah,
the next morning I, I'll never forget it. I woke up to go get the mail
and I literally thought,
how is he, uh uh
I hesitate to say it because it freaked me out.
I thought to myself, how is he gonna feed our kids?
And I, I
uh
I realized what I had even thought and it was one day all of a sudden I knew I
had to be with him the rest of my life and I was positive here's a funny reaction.
Get this, get this
second.
Is it? No,
Charlotte.
I was a good handshake.
Hi,
sweet love. Come
here.
Give me a kiss and just, what
do you,
do? You have a good day?
Happy Friday.
We waited four years to have
our first kid
on purpose by design. Um,
we knew that, I mean, that department is all very, very typical and I, I can remember
being so curious about that myself. Like, you know, it's human nature. I like. Hm.
Is he, is he? Ok?
Totally fine. He's very typical,
red blooded male.
100%
100%. And I say
our kids came to the world the usual way.
He is typical. He's typical and it's all all, all good.
Oh,
damn.
On
no
48 48
M mel.
Face
off.
Go
brother.
See you
how we
get
good job, Joe. Come on,
man,
my
yo.
So you know my Jeep, right?
So
there you go.
Good deed.
Oh
man.
Whoa.
All right. Well,
there.
Oh,
if, if he can't
pass a ball with me, he tells me how, because
what he lost with
action he gained with being able to
like
learn
while not being able to do it. And then he just transferred that into me.
So he's, he's, he's the best observer I've ever met.
And so what he does with that is he just teaches me
what
he couldn't do but observed so well, you guys both learned how to drink out of
fro
really? Early,
I think it was from, we learn from the best.
It's, it's always been, he's in a wheelchair
that's not going to change.
And
that should.
You've never really given it a ton of thought.
Why should I
softly in the evening dusk, a woman is singing to me.
She takes me back
down
the river
until I see,
I see a child
underneath the piano and the boom of the tingling string
press in the poised feet of his mother
who smiles at him. One thing that I adore about Steven
is that he is chivalrous.
He's, and that's just important to me.
I was raised by Southern parents and it's just, it's just important to me.
I would, I would
24 years. What,
what, what's a rash?
He didn't put his needs first. He was incredible and
it's, I just fell in love with all of that
and he raised our boy like that
which
melts my heart.
He raised our boy like that. His,
his son has watched a really honorable dad
and our son will know how to treat a woman
because his dad has always been so
great to me.
You know.
Hi.
Oh,
it's true, honey.
I see
child
underneath the piano and the boom of the tingling strings pressing
the pois feets of his mother who smiles at him as she
listen to me.
I tell you why your father is strong
because he can still say every single day his yearnings
technical,
which is so weird. All four of my
members are affected by
my
GP
and by definition, that's a quadriplegic.
So we were married like 20 years and he, and
I don't know what he was reading, but he's like,
holy cow this whole time. I didn't realize this, but I am a quadriplegic.
I'm like, I'm out.
See me, I can handle. You're a quad.
Hey,
how you doing big fella,
man?
Listen,
I want everything to be appropriate
because you never know with Steve,
I trust her.
There's no one else like you,
there's no one else on this planet
that looks like you.
And that's real intimacy and that's real love when
somebody finds their perfect snowflake their perfect partner.
And
right now you can put it on somebody else to love you.
But I would say to a young girl like get on board with loving yourself.
What does that mean for you? How do you begin to love yourself?
Because when you begin that process,
then you're gonna attract the healthy relationships.
Now I'm saying all this, I have my moments of like,
fuck, this is too much for somebody. This is too much because it feels too much for me.
There are days
that it's like, oh my God, I am getting my teeth knocked in
but
but that doesn't have to be colored by the lens of like because I'm in a wheelchair.
No, because I'm a 30 year old woman.
With huge dreams living in New York City,
who's gonna have good days and bad days.
If you asked me this before my accident, maybe I said, well,
how are people in wheelchairs?
So
right now I could tell you that
I have always
try to find love in people that I feel comfortable with.
So if I find love in someone who is in a wheelchair, of course,
it is an option for me.
No way you cannot
some
to know
no matter where you are,
the Venus light is shining in your star
and it's back
in.
And I have heard, uh, the wheelchair is beautiful. I look great in a wheelchair.
Well, maybe it works for you.
But for me, reality works more because I was not in a wheelchair.
I was in high heels and I like the high heels thing
and I like the fashion and I like how people look running,
walking, dancing.
It was right
here.
What you're looking for was never,
how did it work?
I was running at eight in the morning and 8 15, I was
in a hospital for more than six months.
I'm in the process of
learning things and sometimes learn hurts.
I
have been very depressed.
I don't wanna know what's gonna be to be comfortable when I'm 60.
I'm trying not to worry about that
control of
how could I resist
underneath
it
all?
I want to know. How do I feel comfortable today
today? I'm going to love today. I'm gonna live today. I'm gonna
go out.
I don't know about tomorrow.
It was right here.
It's never
be
I
right
my feet.
Um
That's right.
Crawling
up my leg.
I read
right.
Let me forget
you
f
I,
my,
you,
oh,
my bad.
Love me.
Correct.
I read.
He,
it's new.