Hi, my name is Ola.
I'm disabled and here on the youtube channel,
I talk about my life with my disability.
Last week, I posted a video about how to cope with your insecurities,
how to accept your insecurities and your disability.
And today I wanted to film a video about my insecurities and also about
things that are no longer my insecurities but were in the past just because
as much as I believe that we should be trying
to accept our insecurities and trying to love our bodies.
I also believe that we should be able to talk about our insecurities
and normalizing the fact that we actually have them just before we start,
I wanted to put a small trigger warning
here because I will be mentioning insecurities.
This video will include both negative and positive mention of
and disability.
So if you don't feel like watching it,
if you feel like it might trigger you then feel free to just skip this video.
But like I said,
this video will also mention positive sides of insecurities or just insecurities
that I've already coped with and that I don't have anymore.
So if you feel like that might actually help you
then just please do watch the video.
Ok.
So starting from the beginning,
I'm gonna be literally going from my head to toes
telling you about things that I don't love about myself,
things that I don't like about myself and things that I used to not like about myself,
but I don't really care anymore.
But at the very beginning, I just want to start,
let's say with activities that I'm insecure about.
And I used to be very insecure to be on video.
I used to hate seeing my body move on video.
I just didn't really like it, but since I've started this youtube channel,
I just don't care anymore.
And I literally prefer seeing myself on video than on photos.
And that leads us to the next point which is
that I really don't like having photos taken of me.
I just don't like posing to photos. I just don't like seeing myself in the photos.
I just don't like the whole procedure of having photos taken of me.
And recently I've been trying to fight this insecurity and I've been trying to have
some family members or friends taking more photos of me so that I accept that.
And I think I'm
doing a good job
if you want to check it out, check my Instagram, it's kind of a self promo here,
but I really don't like having photos taken of me.
And the other thing is that I really hate posting
them online because I just don't like photos in general.
So I think it's a really big step for me to ask my
brother to take photos of me and later just post them on Instagram.
Ok.
Now to begin with my physical insecurities,
I just wanted to let you know that I really
don't want you to write in the comments that,
oh, you're not right.
You something, something is pretty,
you don't have to be insecure about it or
anything like that because I don't hate my insecurities.
I feel like it's a natural thing to sometimes not like some
parts of your body because of some reasons I think about them
in a positive way and I encourage you to think
about your insecurities in a positive way as well.
OK.
So starting from the top of my head, like I said on the video,
my hair don't look so bad because I wash and blow dried before every single video.
But in reality, it's very, very
thin and I don't have a lot of hair. So for example, when I tie my hair in a ponytail,
it's just so, so small, so thin like that. So I don't really like my hair but
oh well, the thing I considered my insecurity some time ago,
but I don't feel like that anymore.
It's my big forehead. I used to hate my big forehead.
It's just big and I never liked it. Especially when I had some acne on it and
it just didn't look good. I still
some acne on it, but I just don't care anymore.
The thing that I do find myself being insecure about are my eyebrows.
Sometimes they try to turn into a monobrow here,
but I try to control or grow even though I don't like doing that too often.
So sometimes I just have some random hair on here also.
My eyebrows are just very thick so
they grow like here. And I just don't like that.
I have to control them to make them look kind of good. And I just don't like doing that.
Another thing that I'm not insecure about anymore though.
It's my lazy eye.
I used to have it all the time,
but then I had a surgery on one of my eyes so I don't cross my eyes all the time anymore.
But I do that when my eyes are tired or when I have to
look at something that is too far away and I don't have my glasses.
So I used to be very insecure about it because for me, it just didn't look good then,
but now I just don't care about it.
And I think my mom cares about it more than I do because
she always tells me to look straight and not cross my eyes.
The thing I've started being quite insecure about recently is my nose
recently.
I've noticed that it's like round on the end I don't know, like it's,
it's a bit fat on the end and I just don't like that in my nose.
Now,
I don't know why I've never noticed that, but I did like,
a year and a half a year ago and now I just see it all the time that my nose is huge,
even though I've never felt it's huge.
But now I just
think this, like, I am insecure about my eyebrows and my monobrow that,
that appears sometimes I used to be quite insecure
about my mustache because I also have some hair on
here and it's sometimes quite visible,
but I don't really care about it that much anymore.
I also used to be quite insecure about my cheek because my head is quite round,
you know, I have a bit of fat cheek.
So I used to be quite insecure about it, but I don't care anymore.
The thing that I am a bit insecure are my lips because my upper lip is just very,
very small, very thin and my bottom one is quite thick, but it's also not full.
I used to be quite insecure about
my double or triple chin.
I have no idea how many chins I have maybe even four
or five you can count if you want and let me know.
But I'm not insecure about it anymore and now going lower as you know,
I have very small shoulders.
So I have a bit of an arm fat here.
So when my shoulder ends here, I still have like, this bit that I really don't like.
And I really don't like how it looks in some of the t-shirts.
I don't care about it
too much, but I still don't like it.
I also don't like, like this part, you know, at the, at the end
on the other side of your arm,
at the back of your arm because it's also just some arm fat that I don't like.
But I don't think I'm too
bothered about it. I just don't think it looks good in some of the clothes.
So for example, now in this T shirt, I think my right arm doesn't look too good in that.
But I don't mind the
look of my left arm because my left shoulder is a bit bigger.
And also I use my left arm a bit more. So I
have as much arm fat on my left arm like I did on my right arm. Oh Yeah.
So by the way,
the other thing that I don't like is the fact that because I
use my left arm mostly and I barely use my right arm.
I'm kind of disproportionate and it also affects my boobs and
my shoulders and my arms and all the different fucking things.
The thing I used to be very, very insecure.
I think that's the thing I was most insecure for my whole life are,
of course my hands because yeah, my hands.
So
I think I've told you this story already.
But before my prom, when I was choosing my prom dress,
I told my mom that my dress has to be with short,
with long sleeves because I'm not gonna wear short
sleeve for a place where they're gonna film so
much and take so many photos because I just
hated the way my arms look in short sleeves,
but I honestly don't care about it anymore.
I couldn't care less what my arms look like or what
my hands look like because that's just the way they look.
And if someone finds them
looking weird or ugly, that is there a problem of mine?
The thing that I don't like is like I told you a second ago,
the fact that my boobs have different sizes because I
use my left arm more than my right arm.
I think it's the reason why my left boob is just smaller than the other one.
I think it's just because I use this part of my body more and maybe
I just have less fat on this boob.
I don't know,
but it's so difficult to choose a good bra that will both fit me and look good on me.
So I just hate that and I also hate the fact
when I wear a comfortable bra, it doesn't look good on me.
I feel insecure about it as well.
The thing that I used to feel very insecure about is probably
the second thing I felt most insecure about in my life after
the way my hands look like is of course my tummy fat
and I don't consider myself a fat person because I'm mid size.
Even though there's nothing wrong in being fat or overweight.
It depends how you prefer to call yourself. But I'm a mid-sized
girl. I wouldn't mind being fat, but I am not right now, I think,
but I do have some fat.
So I do have some quite a lot of tummy fat, stomach fat,
but I just don't care about it anymore.
I used to care about it a lot. But no, I just don't.
I think it's also because I started following
so many body positive activists on Instagram and
I just see what their bodies look like or what other people's bodies look like.
For example, I follow, I weigh on Instagram and,
and it's a great place if you'd like to see more normal bodies um in media,
you can check it out.
It's great.
One of my favorite actresses, Jamila Jamil
made this Instagram account and she's kind of taking care of it all.
And she also has a podcast.
So it's a great place to start your body positive journey if you'd like to do that,
the thing that I am insecure about and that is something that I've
noticed only recently are my ties and it's not when I stand.
I just don't care because I always look at them
when I was standing in the mirror or something.
But the f I had last year had a mirror right in front of the bed
when I was usually sitting down and then I noticed myself in the mirror just sitting
and I was like, wow, what the hell my eyes look so funny when I sit down,
I've never seen myself, you know,
sitting down because that's not the thing you usually see.
So I feel quite insecure about it right now. I don't mind my ties
having a little fat on them, but
I just don't like the way they look when I sit down because they just
splash. The thing.
I stopped being so insecure about recently is the hair
on my legs because I am quite a hairy person
apart from my head where I don't have too much hair. I have all of her anywhere else.
I have hair on my tummy, which I feel insecure about. I,
I have a bit of hair on my arms which I don't
feel insecure about because they're blonde and they are not too visible,
but I have really dark hair and really a lot of thick hair on my legs.
And I used to feel very insecure about it
when I didn't shave them or something like that.
But this summer I only shaved them like two
or three times and I didn't really care the rest
of the time So I guess that's the one that
I can cross out from the insecurities list again.
So another thing is the way I walk because it may sound funny.
But sometimes I have good walking days and bad working days.
So I'm gonna show you in the video on some point when I have a bad walking day,
I'm gonna film this and show in some other video what it looks like,
but it just means that I can't put my feet
properly and I just don't feel comfortable walking a lot.
I just don't like the way
it looks when I walk.
So when I used to go to high school and I had to go through the hallways and I had my,
let's say bad walking day and I just didn't,
and I just felt like I don't look good walking and all the people were, you know,
standing on the side of the hallway and I was the only one walking through.
I really hated that
and I still do hate that sometimes.
I'm not even sure if it's just me
overthinking things and just creating things that
don't exist and that I actually walk
in the same way during my good walking day and a bad working day.
But sometimes I just feel like people are looking at because
of the way I walk and I don't like that and it's under of my insecurities.
So the thing that I'm not insecure about my feet though are my scars.
I have quite a lot of scars on my feet. I have some big scars on my Oculus.
I also have some big scars on the sides of my feet,
but
I don't care about it.
I used to care about you like wearing flip flops or something like that,
but I just don't anymore.
They are just scars and I can't erase them. So why would I care?
So that's the end of things that I feel insecure
about and things that I don't feel insecure about anymore.
But the thing that I generally feel feel insecure
about is the way I move because I sometimes don't
like people seeing me dancing or just moving around
because I feel like it doesn't look too good.
So I don't like generally the way I move and I do feel insecure about it still,
even though I try to work on it,
but I don't feel insecure generally about the way I look,
I learned to accept the way I look like I said, I just don't like the way I move.
So these are two different things
and I'm trying to accept the other one as well.
And by the way, these were only physical insecurities.
I of course, have a lot of like, you know,
mental insecurities or social insecurities like the way I behave or something,
but I'm just not gonna talk about it because it's too much.
OK. So thank you so much for watching this video.
If you like like it, then you know what to do.
And if you like my other videos, then you know what to do as well.
So please subscribe to my channel and comment below so that I know that
there are people who want to watch my videos and let me know in the
comments if there are any videos that you'd like me to film or any topics
that you'd like me to talk about and also check out my social media,
Instagram and Twitter.
I'm gonna put the handles here on the screen.
So again, thank you so much for watching and I'll see you next time.
Next time is Thursday. Thank you. Bye bye.